Am I a bad mother?

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This is a post that I have been struggling to write for a while now. I can’t just seem to put the right words to paper, screen. I find that it’s a topic that just keeps me asking questions more than anything. Recently I have both heard and read about moms not being able to leave their children. I am talking about women who aren’t able to leave their babies for more than an hour or two. Women who can’t go out until bed times are done. Women who haven’t had a night away from their children EVER and they have 2 year, 5 year and 7 year olds! I have no problem leaving Hazel so I have to ask myself, am I a bad mother?

Am I a bad mother because I have never thought twice about leaving my child to go do something for myself? I have never had an issue with leaving Hazel, ever. At four months old I left her with my mother to go attend baking classes, to get some me time. Does this make me selfish? At 6 months old I started introducing a bottle at bed time, instead of breastfeeding. It was still breast milk, but I wanted her to get used to having  others, most importantly her dad, put her to bed. I didn’t want her to rely solely on me. Again, does this make me a selfish mother? At 10 months old we left her with my parents for 5 days and hopped on a plane to Vegas. We only checked in once and didn’t think a thing about it. We knew she was in good hands and we were excited to enjoy some us time. Does this make us bad parents?

I don’t believe I am a bad mother for leaving my child, I love her more than I could ever imagine, but I need sometime to myself every now and then. I need time to unwind, time to just focus on me and no one else. Just as my husband needs and deserves this time too. So I have to ask myself, why aren’t these other woman doing the same? Why aren’t they splitting the bed times with their spouses? Is it because as women we are naturally programmed to be the nurturers?  Do they feel that if they don’t dot on their child every second that they will fail as a mother? Am I failing as a mother because I don’t dot on my child every second?

I would like to think that by raising Hazel to be comfortable with others that I am raising a strong and independent girl.  I don’t want her to rely on me for everything, I want her to grow up and make her own decisions. I want her to realize when I leave her at daycare or someone else’s house that it’s only temporary and that she will be ok without mom and dad. I want her to be able to go to bed on her own instead of having to have me tuck her in every night. I want her to jump on the couch and realize when she falls off that it probably wasn’t the best idea.

So I have to ask, why are these women not leaving their children to go out and get some me time? Are they are afraid that they will be classified as bad mothers because they are out enjoying themselves? I need to know, what’s stopping you ladies? If your worried about your child freaking out, its bound to happen at one point or another. The younger you instill that independence in them the better it will be for both of you. For those of you that have no problem leaving your children to enjoy some me time, I applaud you. You deserve it, go enjoy that glass of wine with your girlfriends, relax at the spa, heck you push that grocery cart as slow as you can through the grocery store, enjoy every second of your break. Just remember, you aren’t a bad mom, your giving it 110% and that’s all that matters.

Xo. Andria

10 thoughts on “Am I a bad mother?

  • October 9, 2014 at 9:41 am
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    Honey, that doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a mom with a trustworthy support system you can feel safe with.That is a fantastic gift, for you and your daughter. I WANT A VILLAGE!!!! LOL.

    I am one of those moms who rarely gets a break. I absolutely love being a mom, and have an overload of maternal instinct that leaves me not needing breaks as often as a lot of women. However, I really, really, reallllllllly wish I had the support system or finances to be able to have guilt free breaks just to be myself, on my own, enjoying something not child related. I have literally never had a girl’s day or night out since my five year old was born….and I want it. I want to blog about this from another perspective, but some of the people who should be my support system follow me, so I can’t get into the reason why I feel alone on an island sometimes. Great post!

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    • October 9, 2014 at 8:22 pm
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      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Keisha, I really appreciate it. I hear you on taking it from the other perspective, there are lots of other things I would love to post but don’t want to offend anyone in doing so.

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  • October 9, 2014 at 12:20 pm
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    Not a bad mom at all! I, like Keisha, wish I had a support system like that! We have been able to leave all three kids with my inlaws for one night but it’s not something that we will ever be able to do for more than one night as they are too old to watch 3 kids for longer than that. Now I’m just waiting for my oldest to be old enough to babysit 🙂

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    • October 9, 2014 at 8:25 pm
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      Soon Louise, soon! I also know people that take advantage of the fact they family so close and expect it almost weekly. We only have someone watch Hazel maybe one a month and rarely those are over nighters.

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  • October 9, 2014 at 3:31 pm
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    I think time away from baby is very important, so that Mommy can recharge and not be stressed out or resentful. You’re doing something good for you, for your marriage, and ultimately for your little girl!

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    • October 9, 2014 at 8:25 pm
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      Thanks Meredith, glad you agree 🙂 Hope your getting your mommy time too!

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  • October 9, 2014 at 3:45 pm
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    I think this proves you’re ahead of the game. My maternal instict guilting me is counterproductive. I’m a better mom if I have me time,and my kids are better off for knowing that when Mama leaves, she comes back and all is well. While Xavier hasn’t had a sleepover yet due to sleep issues (long story), Angelina does and it’s been great! Dr. Phil once said something along the lines of, “when moms are proud about never having spent a night away from their children, I tell them that is not brag-worthy. It’s something to be fixed!”
    You’re better off than me because YOU instinctively know how to balance.

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    • October 9, 2014 at 8:28 pm
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      Hardly ahead of the game, just trying to stay sane 😉 Hopefully Xavier will get past the sleep issues soon, I’m sure your parents would love to have them both over night! That Dr. Phil quote is right on point, I think a lot of moms loose themselves when they have kids and don’t even realize it.

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  • October 9, 2014 at 6:22 pm
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    I think it is WONDERFUL that you can leave your daughter and not worry. It doesn’t make you a bad mother, it probably makes you a better mother since you have time to recharge and refuel yourself physically and emotionally.
    What’s stopping me? I have no people. None. It’s hard to meet someone who wants to take your 4 kids for anything more than an hour. Sure people offer, but when it comes down to it, finding someone that you actually trust, who will actually commit. Impossible. Well, at least that has been my experience.
    Go out! Spend time with your husband. Be a real person. Eat a hot meal. Pee alone! And don’t feel guilty for it. I’m sure your daughter loves her Grandma time.

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    • October 9, 2014 at 8:30 pm
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      Pee alone! One of my favorite things to do and I only have 1 kid! I am sure you enjoy every second you have with your little guys, but I hope you get a chance to have a break too. You deserve it mama!

      Reply

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