This is a post that I have been struggling to write for a while now. I can’t just seem to put the right words to
paper, screen. I find that it’s a topic that just keeps me asking questions more than anything. Recently I have both heard and read about moms not being able to leave their children. I am talking about women who aren’t able to leave their babies for more than an hour or two. Women who can’t go out until bed times are done. Women who haven’t had a night away from their children EVER and they have 2 year, 5 year and 7 year olds! I have no problem leaving Hazel so I have to ask myself, am I a bad mother?
Am I a bad mother because I have never thought twice about leaving my child to go do something for myself? I have never had an issue with leaving Hazel, ever. At four months old I left her with my mother to go attend baking classes, to get some me time. Does this make me selfish? At 6 months old I started introducing a bottle at bed time, instead of breastfeeding. It was still breast milk, but I wanted her to get used to having others, most importantly her dad, put her to bed. I didn’t want her to rely solely on me. Again, does this make me a selfish mother? At 10 months old we left her with my parents for 5 days and hopped on a plane to Vegas. We only checked in once and didn’t think a thing about it. We knew she was in good hands and we were excited to enjoy some us time. Does this make us bad parents?
I don’t believe I am a bad mother for leaving my child, I love her more than I could ever imagine, but I need sometime to myself every now and then. I need time to unwind, time to just focus on me and no one else. Just as my husband needs and deserves this time too. So I have to ask myself, why aren’t these other woman doing the same? Why aren’t they splitting the bed times with their spouses? Is it because as women we are naturally programmed to be the nurturers? Do they feel that if they don’t dot on their child every second that they will fail as a mother? Am I failing as a mother because I don’t dot on my child every second?
I would like to think that by raising Hazel to be comfortable with others that I am raising a strong and independent girl. I don’t want her to rely on me for everything, I want her to grow up and make her own decisions. I want her to realize when I leave her at daycare or someone else’s house that it’s only temporary and that she will be ok without mom and dad. I want her to be able to go to bed on her own instead of having to have me tuck her in every night. I want her to jump on the couch and realize when she falls off that it probably wasn’t the best idea.
So I have to ask, why are these women not leaving their children to go out and get some me time? Are they are afraid that they will be classified as bad mothers because they are out enjoying themselves? I need to know, what’s stopping you ladies? If your worried about your child freaking out, its bound to happen at one point or another. The younger you instill that independence in them the better it will be for both of you. For those of you that have no problem leaving your children to enjoy some me time, I applaud you. You deserve it, go enjoy that glass of wine with your girlfriends, relax at the spa, heck you push that grocery cart as slow as you can through the grocery store, enjoy every second of your break. Just remember, you aren’t a bad mom, your giving it 110% and that’s all that matters.