Comparison is the Thief of Joy

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Comparison is the Thief of Joy

-Theodore Roosevelt 

The feeling of being compared, while it has always seemed to be there it became more present while we were both pregnant. Even though we were both due months apart it was there. Much to my surprise it came from an unexpected source. Someone that had told me countless times to never compare myself to others. 

While we were pregnant it’s started out as “You know so and so hasn’t gained much weight.” To which I would reply “I know, she looks great and I haven’t gained much either. In fact I’ve gained less than I did last time.”

And then they gave birth and it was said again. “You know so and so didn’t gain much weight.” To which I again replied “I know, she looked great while pregnant and I still haven’t gained as much weight as I did last time, in fact I actually lost weight last month.”

And then I gave birth and I remember it very clearly. I was two weeks postpartum and we were on our way home from an outing with my two children. I had asked this person to join us on one of our first adventures with out dad. I was driving us home on the highway and it was said. “You know so and so has lost all their baby weight. In fact they’ve lost more than they gained, they look really good right now.” To which I replied “that’s great, they look awesome.” And then they continued about how great this person looked and how the breastfeeding was helping and that they were out walking  every day and on and on.

I held it in but I wanted to cry so badly. I wanted to stop the car and just break down in tears, just as I am right now, letting this off my chest.

I am currently 8 months postpartum and not once in these 8 months or 40 weeks and 2 days that I carried my baby inside did that  person tell me that I looked great or even good for that matter. Instead  they continued to go on about someone else every time I saw them. Not once did they think about how I was feeling or that perhaps I needed some encouragement. But instead they compared me, over and over again. It hurt and it still hurts. 

So all I ask of you is the next time you see someone you know who is pregnant tell them how great they look. Tell them that they have the most amazing pregnancy glow. Tell the new mom that’s been up 4 times a night rocking her baby that she looks great. Tell her that you have stretch marks too and bags under your eyes. Whatever you do don’t go on about someone else and pretend that the person right in front of you doesn’t even exist.

Xo. Andria

{Disclosure: I want it known that this is not in any way a cry for attention or a way of fishing for compliments of any kind. It’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now, and I needed to get it off my chest. Sharing it here is this was the best way and the easiest way for me to do so.

I also know that losing weight while pregnant is not the best, but that month we were in Disneyland and all the walking we did apparently outweighed all the amazing food I was consuming, I mean hello Dole Whip!}

7 thoughts on “Comparison is the Thief of Joy

  • May 5, 2016 at 10:08 am
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    You are beautiful no matter what they say
    Words can’t bring you down…

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  • May 5, 2016 at 11:54 am
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    I 100% believe in that saying you mention (comparison is the thief of all joy) and I am always trying to remind myself of that and to be thankful with what I have. However, in this case, it sounds like the person you were speaking with was trying to be hurtful.. based on the number of times they brought that issue up. Toxic friends are also the thief of joy 😉 You look fabulous momma… xo

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  • May 5, 2016 at 1:46 pm
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    Oh lady… this makes my heart hurt! I struggle with comparison, probably mostly due to the fact that I am such a perfectionist. But I hate it! And I hate the lines that get drawn between women especially. You look amazing, as I’m sure you did when you were pregnant. xoxoxoxo

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  • May 6, 2016 at 4:31 am
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    This is so relatable. It’s funny because I bet one (or all) of those ladies who are getting talked up to you are feeling the same way.

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  • September 20, 2016 at 5:06 am
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    ~ I know of this too well & share the heartache. It is still happening to me where they’re interested for 1min about what’s going on but then, mid-sentence, shift to someone/something else totally. I often have the feeling no one cares what happens or what i went/i’m going through. ~ You’re an amazing lady & thanks for sharing.

    Reply

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