With mixed emotions on Monday morning I dropped off Hazel at my cousins and headed off to work for the first time in almost 15 months. Now for most moms returning to work the emotions come from leaving their little one with someone else as they head off to take on the world. For me the mixed feelings were about returning to work itself. Don’t get me wrong I was sad to leave her, but I have left her before and I know she is in good hands so that didn’t bother me. That being said I am definitely going to miss our lazy pajama mornings and our afternoons eating sand at the beach.
The first thing that stressed me about returning to work was the commute. We live in Cloverdale, I work downtown. As you can imagine the commute is not a pretty one, especially when you are working a 9-5 type job. There is no way I was going to drive down town each day, especially with the cost of gas these days and trying to find affordable all day parking downtown is nearly impossible. I was also unwilling to sit in traffic for hours on end or try to navigate my way through the crazies leaving downtown each day. The ultimate choice is the skytrain (insert eye rolls here). Any sane person knows the sky train is not the best form of transportation, especially with the recent shenanigans it has endured. On a good day with dropping off Hazel my commute is about 1.5 hours EACH way, making it an 11 hour day.
The second thing that has been bothering me about my return to work, is the cost of getting to work itself. I work an 8 hour work day, that means I get paid for 8 hours. I’m sure you can do the math but being gone for 11 hours a day all of a sudden my hourly rate is decreasing drastically. Throw in the cost of daycare, parking, sky train passes and gas and I find myself saying “Why am I returning to work?” Oh right we need to eat.
Returning to work itself was / is probably my biggest fear. Not returning to the workplace but returning to my place of work. When I left last year my department was going through a few changes and it wasn’t in the best shape. I won’t go into a lot of details but a situation arose and it resulted in a rather large audit and a revision of how my department operated. They are still trying to work out some kinks and figure out ultimately how the department is going to run smoothly but for the most part it has been fixed. To add to the mix my entire department flipped while I was away and I have returned to a brand new team. Due to the changes within the departments structure my role has also changed and to be honest with you I’m still not 100% sure what my new role does. I have a few ideas of what is expected of me but I don’t have a lot. I know its only been two days but I can’t say I’m enjoying myself so far. I don’t have my old office or desk back (yet, my fingers are crossed). I actually don’t really have my own spot yet. Today I was told I couldn’t sit in the seat I sat in yesterday because someone else was going to sit there but I could go sit somewhere else, only to be told that no someone else was going to sit there. This bothered me a lot, I think it was because I had two grown adults almost arguing over where I should sit while I stood right beside them. It was like they didn’t realize I was right there and I was that last kid to be picked for a game of dodgeball and neither team wanted them. It kinda made me feel like crap. I am also in the process of trying to relearn my entire job, not because I forgot everything but because the procedures have all changed. I have been trying to ask questions as I go, so I have a good understanding of how I am doing things and why I am doing things the way I am, a few times today I was brushed aside and told to do things how I want to do them. This completely blew me away, the reason I am asking all these questions is because the way I was shown before wasn’t correct and that’s why we had all these issues and had to change all of our procedures. (Just to clarify I wasn’t doing anything wrong but certain procedures I was shown were not in the best interest for the company) I miss the sunshine terribly while I’m at work. Heck I miss looking out the window in general, my office is located on level one of the parking garage 🙁
While the commute is not the best it hasn’t been that bad, its been as good as a packed sardine can on a hot July day can get. I haven’t fallen asleep once (I miss nap time) but I’ve been enjoying my morning Starbucks after I get off the train 🙂 I could probably go for about 3 more Starbucks runs through out the day as I am bagged when I get home. I have also forgot how uncomfortable nylons are, why do we have to wear them anyways? Who is touching my legs or even getting that close to me under my desk? I have managed to pack Hazel’s lunch and clothing bag the night before allowing me to just pluck her out of her crib and go. Evan has been able to grab her the last two days as he has been done a bit early. He has also taken charge at home, cooking dinner and cleaning up, giving me some time to relax and get back into routine. I managed to have a nice relaxing bubble bath last night, woot woot!
While I am a bit disappointed with the welcoming I have received I am hoping it turns around over the next couple of days and I can get back into the swing of things. I have received a lot of messages from friends and social media friends offering support and words of encouragement and it means a lot. Thanks for hanging out with me and reading all that. My goal is to keep the blog light and fun but I felt I had to share how my transition back into the working world was going. I promise the next post will be more fun!