Why I Changed My Opinion on the Perfect Age Gap

Since welcoming my third child this past winter one thing has certainly changed. I’ve  changed my opinion on the perfect age gap and you know what I am not afraid to admit that my original opinion was wrong.

age gap

Growing up I had three thoughts around timelines in my head. I wanted to get married by twenty-five, and have two kids by thirty, with a two year age gap between them. In my head this was going to create the perfect family. My parents were married at twenty-three, had me at twenty-five and my sister two years later. To me this was the ideal age for everything. It’s what I grew up with, it’s what I knew. It’s what I thought was perfect.

I used to think that anyone who had their kids close in age was absolutely insane. Why would you want all that chaos at once? One baby is hard enough as it is, why would you want two under two? When would you rest? Unless it was twins because thats different of course (insert all the eye rolls at my past self).

age gap

Don’t even let me get started on what my past self thought about larger age gaps, especially those that chose that route. Why would you want to have your babies so far apart? Wouldn’t you want them to be friends and be able to grow together and play together? Why would you want to reenter the baby stage after being away from it for so long?

But now that I’ve been through it three times and I am still in the very thick of it all, I’ve come to realize it really doesn’t matter at all. It’s going to be chaos no matter what the spacing is like. At the end of the day all that matters is that they have each other.

age gap

There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be days were the older child wants to help and there will also be days were the middle child wants to help with the baby. There will be days were your children get along and play together and there will be days where they want nothing to do with each other. There will be days were one leaves the room and the other hides under the coffee table waiting to scare them upon their return, while the baby happily chatters away nearby while you watch silently. And all you can think of is wow I made them and look at how amazing they are. 

So here I was with my ideal family, I had two babies, two years apart and before thirty. Mission complete one would think but then thirty-one year old me got that all to familiar itch again, longing for another newborn in the house. Never in a million years did I think I would be welcoming a third baby at thirty-two but I’d say thirty-two year old me has learnt a valuable lesson this year. With three littles aged 5, 3 and 5 months, there really is no thing as the perfect age gap. While some of us are blessed with the chaos, some long for it and we really shouldn’t take it for granted. The only thing perfect is embracing the chaos and taking it all day by day.

age gap

age gap

age gap

age gap

age gap

Xo. Andria

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6 thoughts on “Why I Changed My Opinion on the Perfect Age Gap

  • July 17, 2018 at 9:01 pm
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    I just had my 4th at 34! Never saw that one coming had anyone asked me 10 years ago. Lol! I have an 8 year old, 5 year old, 4 year old and 5 month old. Even though the middle two being 16 months was a total shit show for a solid 2 years of my life, I have to say it’s my favorite age gap. It was crazy at first, but man are they ever best friends and do everything together. They are inseparable and share a special bond. But you are right… chaos is a non-negotiable with littles and new babies in the mix. I am in the thick of it too and loving life!

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    • July 18, 2018 at 8:46 pm
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      I love it all! It sounds like they are all great age gaps.

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  • July 21, 2018 at 7:12 pm
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    I had the same plan as you (the part about having at least 2 kids before age 30) – and I am happy to say I’ve achieved it… but I have no idea what the best age gap is. Right now having a 2-year-old and a newborn (3 months now) seems crazy… but since I want more babies, I figure I might as well get used to the crazy 🙂

    (Although the photos of the older kids helping the littlest looks like the best set up!)

    Reply
  • July 22, 2018 at 6:19 pm
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    I appreciate this article, it’s something no one seems to admit they don’t know. Having an only child at the moment,Im constantly reminded and asked when the next one will be. And honestly I don’t know when or if there will be. But it’s important to go with life rather than over plan. Coming up on his 3rd Birthday, I have let go of the running out of time for age gap. (of having a second baby).

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  • September 18, 2018 at 3:01 pm
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    My little girl is just over 2 years, and I really want to have another one sooner than later. Growing up, my brothers were all close in age and bondsd. Though I appreciated them looking after me when I was little, I always wished there wasn’t such an age gap between us. I guess there’s positives and negatives in every situation!

    Reply
  • September 22, 2018 at 7:35 pm
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    I totally had the same plan as you. Who knows what the future holds over here!

    Reply

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