Here we are two weeks before Everett turns one, I can’t believe how quickly this date has approached. Today was a day I have been dreading for some time. The closer we got to today I became more and more anxious about my impending decision. Today was the day I was supposed to return to work after my second maternity leave.
Well today has come and gone and I have not returned to work, instead I have begun my journey as a stay at home mom. While I would love to say this decision was an easy one, it was definitely left some uncertainty with it. But all that aside I know in my heart I made the right decision for me and for the kids.
Financially, yes we will need to make some changes here and there, going from two incomes to one is most definitely not the easiest thing. However it won’t be that much of a change from paying for daycare for two kids. HOLY SMOKES can we talk about how expensive daycare for two kids is? If we were to continue on with daycare as we had it for Hazel a good 80% of my take home would be going straight to daycare. This had me questioning if the long days, stress of work, early mornings, drop offs/ pickups, time apart from the kids, etc was all worth the measly 20% I would be taking home. At the end of the day I don’t really think it is.
Emotionally, physically and mentally I was not ready to return to work. We are still not sleeping through the night, which means that sleep in our house is very broken and broken sleep takes a huge toll on ones health, mentally, physically and emotionally. Adding in the stress of work and long days and this mom would go from a hawt mess to the unimaginable. More importantly than that my little munchkin is most definitely not ready for the long days apart. As much as he is a rockstar baby, always smiling and calm, he loves his cuddles, his mom cuddles. I am still nursing him throughout the day and he fights off taking a bottle any chance he can get which to me says he’s not ready. When Hazel started daycare at 14 months she went cold turkey on taking a bottle during the day. It wasn’t our choice, it wasn’t daycares choice, it was hers. She just refused to take one at daycare. While I know if Everett went this route he would still eat, kid loves his food, but I know he still needs the nutrients whether its breastmilk, formula or milk during the day and at eleven months I can’t have him refusing it. If the health and well being of our family isn’t a good enough reason, I don’t know what is.
Ultimately I am a little scared to be leaving the working world, leaving behind the security of a job and extra income. But I am very much looking forward to spending as much time as I can with my little monkeys and I know in the end it will all work out. I honestly don’t know how any of the mama’s in countries that have short maternity leaves do it. We are definitely very blessed to have a year here in Canada but an extended maternity leave would be such a huge benefit to many families.